


Playing with Fire

by Vialana



Series: Fanning the Flames [2]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, Denial, M/M, POV First Person, Post Soul Society Arc, Running from Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-10-22
Updated: 2006-10-22
Packaged: 2017-12-11 12:49:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/798921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vialana/pseuds/Vialana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Renji knows he should stop this, but something about Ichigo keeps drawing him back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Playing with Fire

We were kissing again.

Truthfully, I wasn't sure when it started, or why. We'd been getting along fine, nothing major was happening. Okay, so things were a little strained between us since … what happened before, but it wasn't like we couldn't work together or cringed whenever we saw each other. It was pretty normal. Fine. Happy. Nothing wrong.

Then we were kissing.

And I think I started it again.

It was as though I'd just woken up and was clearing my mind for a new day. The world starts to lighten and come into full colour. His lips are hot and soft. His fingers tremble against the skin of my neck, making the fine hairs there stand on end. My fingers are tangled in his short fiery hair, the other hand stroking the firm skin taut over his collarbone. God, I want to drown in him; I don't want to stop.

It's that thought that ices me and I pull back.

He almost falls on top of me as we stop, but I steady him, my hands on his shoulders inching him slowly away.

He blinks his eyes open. They are glazed. His cheeks are flushed and his lips thick and puffy. His hair is even more of a mess than usual. He looks like sex. Then he opens his mouth.

"Renji?"

The lustful sound of my name on his debauched lips goes straight to my groin. Oh god. This is bad. But it's so _good_.

"Shit."

The curse is groaned with as much lust as dread.

His eyes dim at the sound of my voice, but there is still a spark of something in his lidded eyes. Lust maybe? Or … oh, god. It's hope. Fuck.

"Renji?" he calls me again, more confused than lustful this time.

I shake my head and lick my lips before starting to say, "This …"

I don't even get to finish before he draws away completely, no part of our bodies touching any more. The light in his eyes has disappeared and he turns away.

"I get it," he whispers, his voice ice. "This didn't happen again."

I don't flinch at the sounds of his voice, but it's a near thing.

"Ichigo."

He does flinch and I stop, a little stunned by the reaction.

"It's cool." He draws into himself and moves to stand. "This is nothing, not important, doesn't matter. I get it. It won't happen again." He gets up and I still haven't moved. I can barely look at him. "Thanks for the info earlier."

He walks away from me.

Once he leaves my sight, I sigh and throw myself on my back, grass scratching irritatingly at my skin.

I'd seen him by chance as I was wandering around the town, trying to get a feel for the landscape. I wanted to have as much of an advantage as possible against any Hollows that might attack. He was sitting on the grass, near the soccer fields, watching younger kids play with a wistful smile on his face. It had been a while since I'd seen him look so content.

He saw me and I went to greet him, telling him about recent info I'd gotten from Soul Society. Nothing important, but stuff he should know anyhow. We were getting along fine. He was happy. He just looked so … _good_.

I sigh, looking up at the blue sky.

What the hell am I doing?  
  
  
  
  
  
The next time I see him we are fighting a Hollow with his motley crew. How he managed to find some of these guys I'll never know, or likely believe. Still, they were useful allies to have. It's late and a school night so, once the battle is over, they all wander their separate ways.

We're left alone again.

Ichigo is tugging at his arm, a strained muscle judging by the face he pulls. Not serious, but annoying nonetheless. Careless.

"Want me to take a look?" I ask, startling him. I think he thought everyone else had left.

He shakes his head, forcing a bland nonchalant look. "Nah, it's nothing. You all right?"

I nod, still watching him. He looks away, his blush barely noticeable in the moonlight. Unconsciously, I step closer to him, reaching out to grasp his uninjured arm. He looks up at me with wide eyes and I'm overcome by a desire to get closer, again.

But this time I stop, barely a breath away from his lips.

"Renji?" he whispers, voice full of pain and desire.

I can't keep doing this.

"Sorry."

I pull away completely.

This is so wrong. Why do I keep doing this? To him, to me. My heart's racing and my stomach's in knots from the guilt of it all. I don't know what's going on and I don't know how it started or how to stop it. I don't even know if I really do want to stop it. But maybe I have to. It's too much, too sudden; he's too young, too human, too perfect ... definitely too perfect. Far too perfect for me. I don't ... I really don't deserve, but I _want_ ... and that's too dangerous. It's just ... wrong. I'm just going to hurt him. I already am.

Ichigo doesn't even say anything this time, he just bolts away. I know I've really fucked things up, but I have to stand by my decision, even as watching him run far away from me makes me ache. He's still so ... perfect.

Ichigo in moonlight is like an angel; the shadows dance on his skin, but his eyes shine and his body moves like silk through the ethereal light. It's in sunlight, though, that you truly start to understand that Ichigo is so much more than his shinigami abilities and that dark power. His smiles are like the sun, but they're rarer than fireflies on a winter’s day. Still, with every move and motion he's like fire, the sun only serves to enhance his earthly beauty. It's like he has two sides, but they're the same side. His power and beauty shift to adapt to anything, like his strength: as malleable and encompassing as his heart. Maybe that's why, when he cries without shedding a tear, the world seems to darken. Ichigo affects everything he touches; it's as though his aura encompasses the entirety of life. He _is_ life in all its forms.

It's probably part of why I'm so fascinated by him, why he draws me.

Why I love him.

Love. Damn.

Fuck, I'm an idiot.  
  
  
  
  
  
We don't talk the next few times we meet up. We battle Hollows like there was nothing wrong and his friends don't seem to notice anything. They shoot a few weird looks in my direction and watch Ichigo cautiously, but nothing is said and they're not overly worried. We're still doing our job and, honestly, neither of us are exactly the type to open up about our problems.

Soon, it's just us again. It's _always_ just us.

He doesn't look at me, but he's not leaving. There's something heavy in the air and I know that this is it. No more chances, no more dancing. Now or never.

Ichigo's leaning against a wall with his eyes closed, taking deep measured breaths. He's calming himself down from battle. It's soothing enough just to watch him, so I do that. He knows I'm still here. There's a faint line of tension running through his body. He's ignoring me and I'm fine with that for now. I don't want to disturb him.

"Are you gonna run away again?"

I'm so caught up in watching him that his voice startles me. My eyes flicker from his mouth to catch his gaze.

"I thought you were the one running last time," I reply without thinking.

"Oh." His eyes glint with fury. "So you _are_ acknowledging what's happening here."

I look away, but we're in a narrow alley and there's not much to look at apart from him. "Yeah," I finally admit. He's not the only one who desperately needs to get things out in the open.

He doesn't say anything for a while and I study him again.

"Stop staring," he whispers.

"I don't want to." There really is no pause between my thoughts and words. I thought Rukia was just joking about that.

"Well stop anyway." He's blushing. "I can't decide if I love it or hate it."

"Go with love, it's nicer."

"Not if it gets you hurt all the time."

Well that was a kick in the balls.

Ichigo shakes his head at the sudden silence. "Look, I'm never one to mince words, so I'm not gonna now. I like you, okay. There, it's said and in the open. I've done my part. You're either gonna meet me halfway or you're not gonna meet me at all. Simple. No more fucking around. It's not doing either of us any good."

"That's fair."

"Good." He seems to lose a little of his nerve and his fingers start flexing against the wall. "That part's out of the way. The next part's all up to you."

I nod, suddenly feeling nervous.

"Now, I know you've probably got a lot to take into consideration here, but previous encounters seem to indicate that feelings here are kinda mutual."

"You're not wrong," I agree.

"So what then?" He frowns at me, his hesitancy gone. "'Cause if it's the shinigami thing, then I'm equal to if not stronger than you and most of the Captains, and don't argue with me right now. It's true and I'm not in the mood for an ego battle."

I quickly shut my mouth after that and he continues.

"I know you're older than me by who cares how much. Honestly, age isn't an indicator of ability or maturity. The only thing I could see as being a real problem is experience. Even then, there's not much of an excuse, since I'm a real quick learner." He enunciates the last three words and his tongue darts out to lick his top lip. I know it's an unconscious move on his part, but I can't help the sudden spike of desire the tiny motion causes in me.

He doesn't even realise how fucking appealing he is. He knows he's strong and skilled, but he doesn't have a clue how others perceive him sexually. And here I just thought he wasn't interested in that Inoue girl, but he honestly didn't _notice_.

Whatever hang ups I had have mostly disappeared. I don't even know why I stopped the first time any more. Maybe I didn’t want to change our relationship again so soon after shifting it from enemies to friendly rivals to friends and allies; things were tentative enough to begin with. Maybe he isn't too young ... he's definitely mature and Ichigo has never been a fickle person; in fact, he's always been a bit _too_ serious at times. This time, there aren't any voices in the back of my mind telling me to stop now, so I don't.

I cross the tiny space between us and lean up over him, my arms resting either side of him against the wall he's trying to melt back into. I almost wish I weren't so intimidating sometimes, but it's my natural state. I won't pull myself back for anyone. If he really wants this then he has to want me, the way I am. I've never changed for anyone and I'm not about to start now.

"I really shouldn't be feeling this way about you," I say to him, still not completely understanding myself why I shouldn't. I _want_ to feel this way about Ichigo, so that should be enough.

He glares. "Well I'm sorry I'm so irresistible. Suck up and deal, jackass."

I chuckle quietly. "You really are you know."

I move closer, but there's still that fear in his eyes. I never want to see that in him. I want to be the one to make it go away, yet I'm the one who keeps bringing it back for him.

"Are you gonna run away again?" He sounds like a lost little boy.

"Are you?"

I always know what to say to get that spark of anger flaring. I'm glad I haven't completely broken him.

"I'm the one who's taken the risks here. My cards are on the table. It's time to show your hand."

I can't help grinning. I lean in to whisper right in his ear, "It's not my hand I wanna show you."

He shivers and blushes. "Pervert."

I move to look him in the eyes again. "You love it."

He's the one to lean forward towards me. "Yeah."

I don't leave it all to him this time and meet him halfway in a brief kiss.

It's so much like our first, tentative and chaste, but he opens up so completely beneath me that I cling to his shoulders so that he doesn't fall away and disappear beneath my fingers. My body tingles where he's moulded himself to me. There's nothing separating us any more, nothing important anyway. The kiss deepens, but I don't pull away, the world disintegrates around us and I allow myself to fall head first into the dizzying sensations of Ichigo.

I moan his name and he tears himself away to look at me.

His fingers tentatively brush my cheek and I close my eyes, leaning into the touch.

He's the one to close the distance between us this time and I'm completely blown away by his lips.

He's the one to hold onto me this time as I vaguely wonder if I can stand while he's pouring all his passion into me like this. I'm trying to keep up with him, but all I can do is cling and pray that he never stops, never goes away.

This is bliss.

It's all Ichigo.

We slowly start to break away; I keep darting back in for more kisses, addicted to the taste and feel of his lips. We're breathing heavily and I love how his breath ghosts over my cheeks. He's smiling and his eyes shine and I will kill the first person who dares try and take his happiness away, even if it's me — especially if it's me.

I thought he was perfect before, but true perfection can always be built upon.

"Fuck experience," I murmur against his mouth. "You really are a quick learner."

I can feel his lips quirking into that infuriatingly sexy smirk of his.

"Told ya so."


End file.
